just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
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You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
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I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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