he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
