We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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