i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Randomize
