i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Randomize
