You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
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