There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
