you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
