When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My vagina is officially offended.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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