Ok let me ask a question, does aderall make women less apt to have sex?
Cause it just destroys penises
Was that inappropriate? I can't gauge these things anymore
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
