After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
