i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
COCAINE IS GR8
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights