I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
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