Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
