ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize