Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
