i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
