I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize