Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize