the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
