Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
