and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize
