I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
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