You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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