i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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