You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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