I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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