If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
