he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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