my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
