I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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