im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Randomize
