bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Don't tell me you're on acid again
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
