put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
