I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
This is the high leading the old right now
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
