So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
