I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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