you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I need water and some morals
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
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