my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
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