I just made out with a guy for $7.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
