Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
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It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
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He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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