I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
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