If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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