I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
