I need to stop coming to work sober
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
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did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
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So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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