She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
