maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
