got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
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I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
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Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
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