We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
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