I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
