im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Randomize
