I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
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He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
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Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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