but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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