my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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