You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
