If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
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