Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
