So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
