If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
