Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
it's like iHOP with fire
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
