since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
