i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
it's like heaven, but drunker
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
