in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
how does that bad decision feel?
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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